It is ironic, as Henri Nouwen articulates, that even while claiming to follow the poor and powerless Jesus, the Christian leaders of history "gave in to the temptation of power."
Monday I went to rent a car. It was a long trip getting there, but I wore high heels and wool dress slacks and a knit top for the entire day just to impress upon the rental car personnel that I was someone serious and business-like and they should not disrespect me or try any chicanery. Watch out!-- I'm wearing slacks! I called ahead asking for directions and rates and the woman on the other end gave them to me, as well as a rundown of the needed qualifications required to do business with them. "You needa be at least 21, with a driver license, and proofa insurance." Check, check, and check.
When I walked in the door, slacks and all, I gave the attendant a bright assertive smile and said, "Hi, I'm here to rent a car. I just talked with you on the phone." Smile. Assertive posture. SLACKS, for goodness' sake. She says, "Um, honey, are you 21?" I wore those high heels for nothing.
. . . . . .
I think that my petite stature and young face and perhaps even my femaleness have given me a sensitivity to patronization. I don’t experience it often, but when someone acts condescendingly to me, my pride flares hot and bright. In those moments I feel the need to instruct people that I am not a high school student, I am not his secretary, I am not a summer intern, I am not a dorm student. What I am trying to say is, “I am better than that. I deserve more respect than that.” But why? Does a dorm chaplain deserve more respect than a dorm student? Does a ministerial officer deserve more respect than an administrative assistant? Does a graduate student deserve more respect than a high school student? Reflection tells me that this demand for respect comes out of a place of personal insecurity.
6 comments:
Kessia, I relate to what you have shared. I think I'm a little taller than you so people don't necessarily think that I am younger than I am based on my height, but I've been mistaken for someone "less important" as well. I'm pretty sure I have some reflection to do, too.
"The long history of the church is the temptation to choose power over love." -Hennri Nouwen
I'm 23, and when I went golfing with my dad the other weekend, the guy was like "umm she looks pretty young" implying that I might get the junior discount or something. I should maybe start taking advantage of people who think I'm 12 and start paying less
you should have walked in drinking and gambling. then you wouldn't have even needed the slacks. but also, i think we share this insecurity...
As someone who grew a beard so as not to be mistaken for a 13 year old...i feel you. Somehow "it'll pay off when yer 40" doesn't seem to help much either...guess I'll just have to wait and see...
My dear Kessia, boy can I relate. I got asked a few weeks ago if I was 17. Plus while I was shopping in Nice during spring break, the owner of the boutique told me her opinion of me while I tried on some clothes:
"you have the body of a child, but if you just wear heals you'll transform into a woman"
mind you, this was not a shoe store.
So you see, I can totally relate. You're not alone.
You make great points. Who 'deserves' respect really? Why does someone with a more prestigious title get treated better than someone without? Is it because we perceive a greater benefit from someone with more 'power' and title? Anyway, I digress. I have felt the same pangs of pride too, when someone doesn't treat me as I'd like them to, as I feel I deserve, in part because I build my self worth on what other people think, say, and how they act toward me. It seems to go back to a lack of faith, and not fully putting my self-worth in God.
Good post and observations. I don't think we'll ever 'conquer' these insecurities, but hopefully we can give more and more of our self as we learn to trust him more.
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