The best marriage advice I ever got was long before I was ever married.
An elder from my church could see that I really, really, really liked this Joshua Bennett kid. So he said,
"Make a list of all his faults.
I mean, every single one."
Really? Does that sound like a good idea for building a strong relationship?
"Then go down that list, one item at a time. Choose to accept each of those faults. If you come to one that you can't accept, then don't marry him. But if you make it through the list, then marry him and enjoy it. ... Later, when you're married and he has the same faults and they're driving you up a wall, you can preserve your sanity by knowing that you've already accepted that about him and it's okay."
This sounded really strange to me, but it was immensely helpful.
The same things that bugged me about Joshua before we got married are the same flaws that he still has to this day; apparently saying your vows does not instantly perfect a person. But I've chosen to accept and love and support him---so I can get on to really enjoying him :)
Eight years into this marriage and I'm happier than ever---not because I married a perfect man (he's really great! but he's not perfect), but because I chose to accept the man I married.
Good advice, Stan. Thanks.
The same things that bugged me about Joshua before we got married are the same flaws that he still has to this day; apparently saying your vows does not instantly perfect a person. But I've chosen to accept and love and support him---so I can get on to really enjoying him :)
Eight years into this marriage and I'm happier than ever---not because I married a perfect man (he's really great! but he's not perfect), but because I chose to accept the man I married.
Good advice, Stan. Thanks.
14 comments:
This sounds like an extremely terrifying yet sage exercise in acceptance and love. I'll have to keep it in mind whenever that time comes! Thanks for sharing. :)
Katie, it CAN be scary -- but what better way to tell if your cold feet SHOULD be cold? :S
woa! this is incredible! i am going to put that in a "drawer" for later too! thanks!
This is really wonderful and wise. I'm tuckin' this away for future decision making :)
wise words. For a wee padawan you are wise.
Amen.
The best marriage advice I've gotten so far (since I'm still single) was from you, which I'm still keeping in mind! :)
Man oh man this is so good. Thanks for passing it on :)
Funny! This is the same advice I've given my kids. I said you can always live with someone's good points, but you must decide if you can live with their flaws. If so, then you've got the basis for a long lasting marriage.
Well said. C-Bennett is pretty perfect, though! :) You guys are a great team/couple. Good advice!
I still remember sitting down with you at Southern and discussing this very piece of advice. I told it to someone just the other day. I still haven't had the chance to use it just yet.
Thanks for sharing this! A good example of a grace-filled marriage, before it starts. Whenever my time comes, maybe you can be my marriage counselor. :)
My co-worker is getting married this weekend. Honestly right now it feels like "everyone" is getting married, and whenever that time rolls around for me I will take this into account because it truly was great advice. Thanks for sharing!
Thank You. I've reached that stage in my life when everyone around me is getting married so thoughts about my future someone has increased, I'm always thankful to find useful tid bits about marriage to tuck away until my time comes.
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